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On occasion, Jay Spring believes he is “the most exceptional individual alive”. As a diagnosed narcissist, his grandiose moments frequently escalate into “highly unrealistic”, he explains. You feel invincible and you’re like, ‘Everyone’s going to know that I stand above others … I’m destined for greatness for the world’.”

In his case, these episodes of self-aggrandisement are often succeeded by a “emotional downturn”, a period when he feels deeply emotional and ashamed about his behavior, rendering him highly sensitive to negative feedback from external sources. He came to wonder he might have NPD after researching his symptoms online – and was later evaluated by a clinician. But, he doubts he would have taken the label unless he had already reached that realization personally. When someone suggests to somebody that they have this disorder, {they’ll probably deny it|denial is a common response|they’re likely to reject it,” he notes – particularly if they feel feelings of superiority. They operate in an altered state that they made for themselves. And that world is like, I’m the greatest and {nobody can question me|no one should doubt me|my authority is absolute.”

Defining Narcissistic Personality Disorder

Though people have been labelled as narcissists for decades, the meaning can be ambiguous what the term implies the label. “Everyone calls everybody a narcissist,” says an expert in narcissism, noting the word is “overused” – but when it comes to a professional assessment, he believes many people keep it private, due to so much stigma around the condition. Someone with NPD will tend to have “an exaggerated self-image”, “difficulty understanding others’ feelings”, and “a strategy of using people to seek admiration through things like pursuing power,” the professor clarifies. Those with NPD may be “extremely narcissistic”, to the point that {“they’re not able to hold down stable relationships|“their jobs are damaged|“they have a distorted view of reality,” he emphasizes.

Emotional connections were never important about anyone really, so I didn’t invest in relationships seriously

Gender Differences in Narcissism

Although up to 75% of people identified as having narcissistic personality disorder are males, studies indicates this figure does not mean there are a lower rate among women, but that female narcissism is more often presented in the covert form, which is often overlooked. Male narcissism tends to be more socially permissible, as with everything in society,” says a 23-year-old who posts about her co-occurring conditions on online channels. Frequently, the two disorders appear together.

Individual Challenges

“I really struggle with handling criticism and being turned down,” she says, since when I’m told that the problem is me, I tend to switch to a defensive state or I become unresponsive.” Despite having this response – which is often called “narcissistic injury”, she has been working to manage it and listen to guidance from her close relationships, as she aims to avoid falling into the harmful behaviour of her past. I used to be manipulative to my partners in my youth,” she admits. With professional help, she has been able to manage her condition better, and she notes she and her partner “maintain an agreement where we’ve agreed, ‘Should I make a harmful comment, if my words are controlling, point it out {right then and there|immediately|in the moment’.”

Her upbringing mostly in the care of her father and says she lacked healthy examples during development. I’ve had to teach myself continuously which behaviors are acceptable versus unacceptable to say during a fight because I never had that growing up,” she comments. “Nothing was off-limits when my family members were belittling me during my childhood.”

Origins of The Condition

Conditions like NPD tend to be associated with difficulties as a child. Heredity is a factor,” says a consultant psychiatrist. But, when someone develops narcissistic traits, it is often “connected with that specific childhood circumstances”. Those traits were “a coping mechanism in some ways to cope in formative years”, he states, when they may have been neglected, or only shown love that was dependent on meeting particular demands. They then “persist in applying those familiar tactics as adults”.

In common with many of the individuals with NPD, one individual thinks his parents “may be narcissists themselves”. The individual says when he was a child, “the focus was always on them and their work and their social life. So it was like, keep your distance.” When their attention turned to him, it came in the form of “a great amount of pressure” to achieve good grades and life achievements, he recalls, which made him feel that if he didn’t achieve their goals, he wasn’t “acceptable.

When he became an adult, none of his relationships lasted. Emotional investment was lacking about anyone really,” he states. As a result, relationships weren’t relationships seriously.” He believed he wasn’t forming deep connections, until he met his current partner of three years, who is diagnosed with BPD, so, in a comparable situation, finds it hard to manage mood stability. She is “very supportive of the thoughts that occur in my head”, he says – it was in fact, her who initially thought he might have NPD.

Seeking Help

Following an appointment to his GP, he was directed to a mental health professional for an assessment and was given the NPD label. He has been referred for psychological counseling on the public health system (a long period of therapy is the main intervention that has been demonstrated to benefit NPD patients, specialists note), but has been on the patient queue for 18 months: “They said it is probably going to be maybe February or March next year.”

He has shared with a small circle about his condition, because “prejudice is common that the disorder equates to toxicity”, but, privately, he has come to terms with it. This understanding allows me to understand myself better, which is always a good thing,” he comments. All of the people have accepted their narcissism and are looking for support for it – leading them to be open to talk about it – which is probably not representative of all people with the disorder. But the growth of individuals sharing their stories and the expansion of online support communities indicate that {more narcissists|a growing number