Those Words given by My Parent That Rescued Me when I became a New Dad

"I think I was just trying to survive for a year."

Former reality TV star Ryan Libbey thought he would to cope with the difficulties of being a father.

But the reality quickly proved to be "completely different" to what he pictured.

Serious health complications during the birth saw his partner Louise hospitalised. All of a sudden he was pushed into acting as her main carer in addition to caring for their newborn son Leo.

"I took on each nighttime feed, every change… every walk. The duty of both parents," Ryan explained.

After eleven months he became exhausted. That was when a talk with his father, on a park bench, that made him realise he couldn't do it alone.

The direct words "You're not in a good spot. You require some help. What can I do to help you?" created an opening for Ryan to express himself truthfully, look for assistance and start recovering.

His story is not uncommon, but seldom highlighted. While the public is now better used to addressing the pressure on mums and about postpartum depression, less is said about the difficulties dads encounter.

Asking for help is not weak to seek assistance

Ryan feels his struggles are part of a wider reluctance to talk among men, who often hold onto damaging ideas of masculinity.

Men, he says, tend to think they must be "the harbour wall that just gets hit and remains standing every time."

"It is not a show of weakness to seek help. I was too slow to do that soon enough," he explains.

Clinical psychologist Dr Jill Domoney, a expert who studies mental health pre and post childbirth, explains men often don't want to acknowledge they're struggling.

They can think they are "not the right person to be requesting help" - most notably ahead of a mum and baby - but she stresses their mental well-being is just as important to the family.

Ryan's heart-to-heart with his dad gave him the space to ask for a pause - taking a short trip abroad, separate from the home environment, to get a fresh outlook.

He understood he had to make a adjustment to consider his and his partner's emotional states as well as the day-to-day duties of caring for a new baby.

When he was honest with Louise, he saw he'd overlooked "what she needed" -physical connection and paying attention to her words.

'Parenting yourself

That insight has transformed how Ryan sees parenthood.

He's now composing Leo regular notes about his journey as a dad, which he wishes his son will see as he grows up.

Ryan hopes these will assist his son better understand the language of emotional life and understand his parenting choices.

The notion of "parenting yourself" is something artist Professor Green - whose name is Stephen Manderson - has also experienced deeply since having his son Slimane, who is now four years old.

As a child Stephen did not have reliable male parenting. Even with having an "wonderful" bond with his dad, deep-held emotional pain resulted in his father had difficulty managing and was "present intermittently" of his life, complicating their relationship.

Stephen says repressing emotions resulted in him make "terrible decisions" when younger to change how he felt, finding solace in alcohol and substances as escapism from the anguish.

"You turn to things that aren't helpful," he notes. "They might temporarily change how you are feeling, but they will eventually exacerbate the problem."

Tips for Managing as a First-Time Parent

• Share with someone - when you are swamped, confide in a friend, your partner or a counsellor how you're feeling. It can help to ease the pressure and make you feel more supported.
• Maintain your passions - continue with the activities that made you feel like yourself before the baby arrived. This might be playing sport, seeing friends or a favourite hobby.
• Don't ignore the body - nutritious food, staying active and when you can, resting, all play a role in how your mental state is doing.
• Spend time with other parents in the same boat - listening to their journeys, the messy ones, as well as the joys, can help to put into perspective how you're feeling.
• Remember that requesting help is not failure - prioritising you is the most effective way you can care for your loved ones.

When his father eventually died by suicide, Stephen expectedly found it hard to accept the passing, having not spoken to him for a long time.

Now being a father himself, Stephen's determined not to "continue the chain" with his boy and instead provide the security and emotional guidance he did not receive.

When his son threatens to have a tantrum, for example, they try "shaking the feelings out" together - managing the feelings constructively.

The two men Ryan and Stephen explain they have become better, healthier men since they acknowledged their issues, transformed how they communicate, and learned to control themselves for their children.

"I am now more capable of… sitting with things and dealing with things," states Stephen.

"I wrote that in a note to Leo recently," Ryan says. "I expressed, at times I think my role is to teach and advise you how to behave, but the truth is, it's a exchange. I am discovering an equal amount as you are in this journey."