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Facing rejection, notably when it occurs frequently, is far from pleasant. A publisher is saying no, giving a clear “Nope.” Working in writing, I am familiar with rejection. I began proposing articles half a century past, just after college graduation. From that point, I have had several works declined, along with book ideas and numerous pieces. Over the past 20 years, specializing in personal essays, the refusals have only increased. Regularly, I face a rejection every few days—adding up to in excess of 100 times a year. Overall, rejections over my career exceed a thousand. At this point, I could have a PhD in handling no’s.

But, does this seem like a self-pitying rant? Absolutely not. Because, now, at the age of 73, I have come to terms with rejection.

How Have I Managed It?

Some context: By this stage, almost every person and their distant cousin has said no. I’ve never kept score my win-lose ratio—that would be deeply dispiriting.

A case in point: recently, a publication turned down 20 submissions consecutively before accepting one. Back in 2016, no fewer than 50 book publishers declined my book idea before a single one approved it. Subsequently, 25 literary agents declined a nonfiction book proposal. An editor suggested that I send articles less frequently.

My Seven Stages of Rejection

When I was younger, every no stung. I took them personally. It was not just my creation was being turned down, but who I am.

Right after a piece was rejected, I would go through the process of setback:

• First, surprise. How could this happen? Why would editors be overlook my skill?
• Second, denial. Surely it’s the wrong person? This must be an mistake.
• Third, dismissal. What do any of you know? Who made you to decide on my efforts? They’re foolish and the magazine stinks. I refuse this refusal.
• After that, anger at the rejecters, then frustration with me. Why would I do this to myself? Am I a martyr?
• Fifth, pleading (preferably seasoned with false hope). What will it take you to see me as a once-in-a-generation talent?
• Then, depression. I’m no good. Worse, I’ll never be any good.

I experienced this through my 30s, 40s and 50s.

Notable Company

Naturally, I was in good fellowship. Stories of authors whose books was at first turned down are legion. Herman Melville’s Moby-Dick. The creator of Frankenstein. The writer of Dubliners. The novelist of Lolita. The author of Catch-22. Nearly each famous writer was first rejected. If they could overcome rejection, then perhaps I could, too. Michael Jordan was dropped from his high school basketball team. Many US presidents over the recent history had been defeated in races. The filmmaker says that his movie pitch and bid to star were turned down repeatedly. He said rejection as someone blowing a bugle to rouse me and persevere, not backing down,” he remarked.

The Seventh Stage

Later, when I entered my senior age, I achieved the final phase of setback. Peace. Now, I better understand the many reasons why someone says no. Firstly, an reviewer may have just published a comparable article, or have something underway, or simply be considering something along the same lines for someone else.

Or, unfortunately, my pitch is not appealing. Or maybe the evaluator feels I don’t have the experience or standing to succeed. Or is no longer in the field for the work I am offering. Or was too distracted and read my submission hastily to appreciate its value.

You can call it an realization. Anything can be rejected, and for any reason, and there is pretty much little you can do about it. Some rationales for denial are permanently out of your hands.

Manageable Factors

Additional reasons are within it. Let’s face it, my pitches and submissions may sometimes be poorly thought out. They may lack relevance and impact, or the message I am attempting to convey is poorly presented. Or I’m being obviously derivative. Or something about my writing style, especially dashes, was unacceptable.

The essence is that, regardless of all my decades of effort and rejection, I have achieved published in many places. I’ve written several titles—my first when I was 51, another, a memoir, at 65—and more than a thousand pieces. These works have featured in publications major and minor, in diverse sources. An early piece ran when I was 26—and I have now written to many places for 50 years.

However, no blockbusters, no book signings at major stores, no spots on TV programs, no presentations, no prizes, no accolades, no Nobel Prize, and no national honor. But I can more readily accept no at this stage, because my, humble achievements have eased the jolts of my frequent denials. I can afford to be thoughtful about it all at this point.

Instructive Setbacks

Denial can be helpful, but when you heed what it’s indicating. If not, you will almost certainly just keep seeing denial all wrong. So what teachings have I gained?

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